So You’re Retired!

So, you’re retiring!You’re free to do what you want, when you want and how you want – just as long as your spouse doesn’t find out. You’ll have time to swim with dolphins and see the pyramids, but not the energy unfortunately. You’ll finally have no excuse not to do all those ‘little jobs’ around the house. And you know how you used to think there was nothing worth watching on TV in the evening? Well wait till you see daytime TV!On the bright side, you can smirk at the morning traffic reports while you soak in the bath, jump on and off buses for no other reason than it’s free, visit every garden centre in the known universe and finish the crossword and the Sudoku every day in the paper.This is the perfect gift for anyone reaching this milestone. “ AUTHOR: Mike Haskins is a comedy writer for TV and radio. He has written for Steve Coogan, Simon Pegg, Alistair McGowan, Monkey Dust, Smack the Pony, Punt and Dennis’ It’s Been a Bad Week and Dead Ringers and has worked closely with Griff Rhys Jones on Smith and Jones, amongst others. “ Clive Whichelow is a journalist and comedy writer for Rory Bremner, Jonathan Ross, Spitting Image and many others as well as for the Mail On Sunday, the Express, and the Mirror.