It Never Rained in the BRONX

Life is a Collection of Memories. Without memories there is no life. These are my memories of growing up in The Bronx and later spending my adulthood in Florida where I still live. Hilarious adventures of the author, his friends and family while growing up in The Bronx and continuing on his move to Florida. Over 440 pages and 70 stories designed to make you laugh, laugh, laugh and then laugh some more. All stories are true and depicted just as they happened. Read about the author’s Granma and what happened when they went to the nightclub in the Carillon hotel on Miami Beach; a 69 year old Granma with her 25 year old grandson. Except everyone in attendance that night thought the grandson was a gigolo and Granma made sure that everyone wasn’t disappointed and she gave them a fantastic show that evening, much better than the one on the stage. The story Swollen Cheeks will have you rolling in the aisles. It’s about Leroy who used to pay nightly visits to the author at his place of work and would usually have a cup of coffee with him. Not anymore. Leroy probably never had another cup of coffee after the last time he had one at the author’s work place. After you read this story you might never drink another cup of coffee again. There were unforgettable characters like James “Burnell” Bell, a former motorcycle policeman in Boulder, Colorado who lost his job because one day an individual asked Jim to follow him on his motorcycle because the individual thought his odometer wasn’t working properly. And it wasn’t. The fellow said to Jim, “Officer, my odometer says I’m going 30 miles per hour. How fast am I really going?” Jim said, “You’re doing 35 and this is a 30 mile per hour zone. Pull over.” The fellow pulled over and Jim gave him a speeding ticket. It was the last ticket that Jim ever gave anyone as he was immediately suspended, came to Florida and was involved in one calamnity after another. Then there was the story of the Viet Nam war where the Selective Service System requested my ass to go to Viet Nam. I figured that since the rest of my body wasn’t going to Viet Nam, then my ass could also stay home….and it did. But the story of how I managed to escape Uncle Sam’s services is a very funny read. My friend Paul and I used to have a philosophy which said, “Just because you’re poor (and we were) doesn’t mean you shouldn’t eat….. well.” And we did with no money for a period of about 30 days in the fanciest and priciest restaurants in New York until one evening we were given an offer we couldn’t refuse. It’s funny now but I assure you it wasn’t funny then. Then there was the time that I was having a tough go in life. So much so that I decided to enlist in the army with my friend Allan. It sounded great. I was married and had one son. The army would let me live off base with my family. My wife thought it was a good idea too. But then I gave it some thought and decided not to enlist. I forgot to tell Allan but I didn’t want to ruin his good time. He had a very memorable experience in the army for all of three weeks. And what book would be complete without a chapter or two devoted to sex. Here there are four chapters devoted to very pleasurable times, but not nearly what you would think them to be. Sex was very different in the 50’s and 60’s for young men. For sure it was different for the author. And in keeping with the tradition of this book it was funny, funny, funny. Then there was the time that I was having a tough time finding a decent job, you know, one that pays a liveable wage. I wasn’t deterred. I had a family and nothing was going to stop me from making a living. I just didn’t know what kind of living so I did what I thought was the proper thing to do. I opened up an Employment Agency. Now all day long I’d listen to people who needed a job. I didn’t want to give them my secret because I didn’t need competition in the Employment Agency business.