Woman on Fire

I was a very secretive person growing up. I had been taught not to tell my business to anyone. Whatever I went through, I had to deal with it and I did… Internally. My childhood was ‘normal’. I didn’t have abusive parents, no drugs/excessive alcohol, no mishaps, just the regular life of being the first born sibling. My mom taught me how to cook, sew, clean, be creative, and take care of people. She taught me NOT to depend on a man for anything! My dad taught me how to change my oil, work on cars, drive a ‘stick shift’, shoot a gun, start a business. He too taught me NOT to depend on a man for anything! That was my life from birth until the fire… Until I started smelling smoke. I began to think back to those infamous words, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire”. That’s when I realized that I was already in the midst of an inferno. Having the dreams of being an Entertainer, Educator, and Entrepreneur were my goals, in that order. But the most ultimate dream of all was to become a perfect wife and a perfect mother. My life plan was to have my name in bright, neon lights in my late teens and early 20’s, marry by 26, have my first child by 28, become a Dr. of Psychology by 30, have my second child by 32, and one more by 34. By the age of 35, I would have been completed! Husband, children, home, luxury car, church lady, career (including an impressive resume), and more! I thought life was supposed to be perfect. In 2001, I was close to my ultimate dream of becoming the perfect wife and the perfect mother. I married a man not chosen by God but by me. Although I was way off my life plan, I knew I could get on track with the marriage, but I had to go into overdrive to catch up! I couldn’t wait, time was moving and my biological clock was racing against time and I needed a baby now! I needed for my life to continue to flow perfectly, because I was a Christian woman! I had been taught that you didn’t complain or ask Jesus any questions, because He has been good to me. I kept the perfect smiles while enduring internal pain, hurts and depression on this Christian journey. I faked the funk that everything was alright with me because I had Jesus Christ on my side. I was a woman burning with the desire to become a mother and continuing to stay a good wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin, auntie, friend, colleague, and more. I was a woman not loving herself and realizing that she needed more; realizing that my life was indeed NOT perfect because I forgot to include God, on this Christian walk. Woman On Fire is my testimony of how God changed my life through the rededication and restoration of my mind and spirit. This is not your typical divorce, ex-husband-bashing tale or a ‘self-help’ guide. I’m no expert on how to make your life better! Woman on Fire won’t be able to give you 5, 10, or 20 steps to a more successful you! Woman on Fire will give you my testimony of how I went through the fire and came out shining like new brass; overcoming depression, feelings of defeat, being barren, divorced and shamed. Giving with my heart’s desires a new meaning… To become a Godly wife, a Godly Mother, and more! He is the Head of My new ‘perfect’ life.