E Deplorables Unum

Dimsum Agglomeratizatonalisticalism spent three weeks in a neck brace, a legacy of whiplash from the government’s constantly changing positions. Francis Grecoromacolluden was found wandering around downtown Washburningdington in Stupefying Snailman pjs, mumbling to himself about moon craters and ocelots, a victim of PDS (Political Derangement Syndrome). Antoinette de la Boulevardier sighed once, sent out a prayer to the god of cottage cheese and entered a fugue state from which doctors cannot seem to rouse her.Nobody said reporting from Earth Prime 1-6-7-1-8-2 dash psi, where the United States of Vesampucceri is the world leading idiotocracy, was going to be easy.”Aah, they knew what they were getting when they signed up for the gig!” Alternate Reality News Service Editrix-in-Chief Brenda Brundtland-Govanni begged to differ. “What I never beg! When I differ, I take possession of my differing!”Could ARNS reporters have known that President Ronald McDruhitmumpf would pay a porn star to not reveal their love affair? “Aah, no,” Brundtland-Govanni allowed. Could they have seen the President’s unhinged rhetoric bringing war to the Middle East? “More war,” Brundtland-Govanni insisted. “But, uhh, no. No, they could not.” Did they know that people who mailed themselves to the USV would be mistaken for bombs by ICES?”Okay, okay. Maybe our reporters didn’t know what they were getting,” Brundtland-Govanni grumpily admitted. “But, they do now. Vesampucceri is nuts!”Reader, you have been warned.Praise for ARNS and the Man, the previous Alternate Reality News Service book with reporting from Vesampucceri: “Amusing, sardonic political and social satire that brims with wordplay legerdemain and oddballisticelaboratified name invention. Trenchantly twisted and good fun.” – John Shirley, author of A Song Called Youth: Eclipse”I don’t often read science fiction but when I do, Ira Nayman’s ARNS and the Man is near the top of my list. Wacky, surreal, bizarre, and all too close to reality, Nayman spins a web of satirical hilarity ripped from the headlines.” – Terry Fallis, two-time winner of the Stephen Leacock Medal for Humour.”Ira Nayman rivals Walt Kelly for the skilled and joyous administration of near hallucinogenic word play as an antidote for the madness of our political process. And unlike the brave possum of Okefenokee Swamp, the truths of ARNS and the Man were crafted by someone wearing pants.” – Hugh Spencer, author of Why I Hunt Flying Saucers and Extreme Dentistr